Yesterday I did something scary...pretty much one of the most terrifying things that I have ever done. Buy me a ticket to jump out of a plane and I'll do it tomorrow. Ask me to bungee jump off of a bridge...no big deal. Spill my soul to you all online even when it's raw and messy...done. Tell my
Manicures...Heaven...and Hope...
Manicures...Heaven...and Hope...
If I close my eyes I can still see it clearly...a cozy kitchen with light filtering in through the windows...two dogs, one large and one small and fluffy...a cozy couch...my grandfather's chair...a freshly constructed nail painting station...these are the images that I remember. My sister claims that I remember more about my early childhood than most people, and
Mother's Day Miracle
Mother's Day Miracle
I'm not sure when or how roses became connected with the celebration of the women who have been blessed with children...but each year...without fail...they are everywhere. Restaurants hand them out to women who are being rewarded for the 364 days of homemade meals with a champagne brunch. Churches give them to children to deliver to their mothers as
Adoption Update...Do You Want Some Free Wine???
Adoption Update...Do You Want Some Free Wine???
As of today, we have been waiting 1 year...8 months...3 weeks...and 3 days to be matched with a child. We officially started our paperwork 2 years...7 months...3 weeks...and 5 days ago. So.very.long! What does this have to do with free wine? Read on... My heart has been longing to do something to make a difference during this wait.
"That" Person...
I am sure that the lengths to which I have made people feel as though they need to tip-toe around my heart is exhausting. You see...I keep expecting deliverance. A complete and total end to the pain that I am feeling. So, when a nurse innocently remarks that they see that I have been struggling with infertility and that they are sure that I will get pregnant eventually or an acquaintance remarks how lucky I am that I don't have to stay up all night with a crying baby, I am shocked when it hurts. I believe in the grace which I have been freely given, but I want it on my terms. I want delivering grace and not sustaining grace.
I stumbled upon this blog several months back and it expresses the game of tug-of-war in my soul that seems to be never ending.
When God Does the Miracle We Didn't Ask For- Click on this link and savor.every.word. It describes my broken and battered heart perfectly and it flows with truth.
"With every heartache I wanted a Red Sea miracle. A miracle that would astonish the world, reward me for my faithfulness, make my life glorious. I didn’t want manna... At first, I rejected it as insufficient. I wanted deliverance. Not sustenance. I wanted the pain to stop, not to be held up through the pain. I was just like the children of Israel who rejoiced at God’s delivering grace in the parting of the Red Sea, but complained bitterly at his sustaining grace in the provision of manna." -Vaneetha Rendall
I see it, I feel the weight of it, and I have been fighting against it. I'm sorry that I have become the person that can't seem to let unintentionally hurtful words and situations go...but I'm trying. Please be patient...and call me on my crap...yes, I just said crap.
"But God knew better. Each day he continued to put manna before me. At first, I grumbled. It seemed like second best. It wasn’t the feast I envisioned. It was bland and monotonous. But after a while, I began to taste the manna, embrace it, and savor its sweetness. This manna, this sustaining grace, is what upheld me. It revived me when I was weak. It drove me to my knees. And unlike delivering grace, which once received, inadvertently moved me to greater independence from God, sustaining grace kept me tethered to him. I needed it every day. Like manna, it was new every morning." -Vaneetha Rendall
The woman who wrote this blog has experienced greater loss than mine, and greater pain than mine. And yet, somehow, God has revealed to her the beauty of His manna. She is limping toward the sustaining grace that keeps her close to her Savior.
I want to be "that" person and I pray that, that is the miracle that He accomplishes in me, even when it isn't the miracle that I ask for...
Watching the Race From the Sidelines...
Watching the Race From the Sidelines...
Yesterday, I completed my first 5K...but before I get to that story, I need to deal with the ghosts of another race...a race that I didn't run. Last fall, Michael signed us both up for a Color Run. Although I have been running off and on for the past 3 years, I had yet to participate in a
Candid Photographs
Candid Photographs
Every stage of my life includes memories of Pinecrest. The aesthetic beauty of the landscape and our precious once red family cabin has shaped my heart and soul as I have journeyed from child to adult. There are whispers of precious snapshots filled with sounds that find their way into my thoughts when my soul needs a little
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