I purchased my favorite umbrella in Paris.  After a week of scattered showers in London, I decided that I was no longer going to take any chances when the first drops of rain began to fall in Paris.  For the remainder of our trip, I carried that umbrella to every cathedral, museum, and other miscellaneous point of interest.  The rain did not return, but I was secure in the knowledge that I would not be caught in another downpour for the remainder of our trip unprotected.  Now, two years later, that umbrella sits next to my shoes ready to make its way into my purse for the rainy season.  Left to my own selfish desires I will always avoid getting caught in another downpour unprotected.  

Last October a new rainy season began when my father filed for divorce from my mother and my world fell apart.  There are many things that I spend my time and energy worrying about...money, school, the acceptance of others, starting a family...but this was not anywhere on my radar.  Yes, my parents had gone through ups and downs in their marriage but they had also always taught me that we serve a mighty God who is capable of healing any marriage and I had no reason to believe that either one of them had let go of that promise.  Then a couple of weeks ago, the sky turned black and the rain turned icy cold...my father is getting re-married. 

Over the past year, I have refused to let go of my favorite umbrella...not the purple one with flowers from Paris...the one that I created in order to protect myself from the current storm in my life.  I have held on for dear life refusing to let one drop of rain touch my skin.  I have pulled the umbrella down over my eyes so that I can't see what is behind me or what is in front of me.  What is behind is too painful to remember and what is ahead feels too much like a bad dream from which I cannot manage to wake-up.  My world has become only that small space underneath the umbrella and I am frozen in time. 

I never realized how lonely is it to walk through the rain under an umbrella. Either one has to isolate themselves completely or risk allowing some of the rain to touch one's skin.  Generally, this makes it impossible to see the potential beauty in one's surroundings or potential danger ahead.  In addition, it is difficult to hear the words of others, especially if they enveloped by their own protection from the rain.  For the past year I have been content to trade the beauty to mask the pain.  However, I am starting to see that this is more dangerous than the rain itself.  There is much that rain can do...

Several years ago I traveled to Seattle with my husband and parents to celebrate my birthday.  I have pushed this memory as deep into my brain as it will go over the last year because I don't want to deal with the reality that I will never again take a trip like that with both of my parents.  However, I recently started thinking about how beautiful the hills and mountains surrounding the Seattle area are because of the rain.   The beauty of that area would not be present without the rain.  Rain brings new life...it revitalizes plants, fills rivers and lakes, and it refreshes animals.  It can be destructive in nature, but it can also wash away our sin.  It is not a mistake that we are baptized with water to symbolize our new lives in Christ.  Water changes us if we allow it the opportunity.  This doesn't mean moving on to greener pastures when things start to look a little dry.  This means that we can rest in the knowledge that the rain will come again and leave things more alive than they were before.  We will be changed for the better. 

It is time for me to face the rain without an umbrella.  I know that I am going to get wet, but I know that I will be taken care of...I will be refreshed...I will be strengthened...I will be renewed.  I know that I am not alone as I stand in the rain.  In this life there will be storms, but there will be a day when the rain will stop and we will stand face-to-face with the One who created us and loves us enough to allow that rain.  For now...I can only pray for the strength to stand in the rain even as it is crashing down around me.  Instead of trying to avoid it I will listen to the voice coming through the rain...and I can hear Him saying..."I am with you."  As long as I can hear that voice, I can face the rain without an umbrella.