One of my favorite British Romantic poets is William Blake.  He published a series of poems which explore two contrary states of the human experience...that of innocence and that of experience.  As children we embark on our journey through a state of innocence, a state where anything is possible and little girls dream of princes and castles and other endless possibilities for our future...but that soon opens the door for experience as we learn that the world is not the perfect place that we once thought and our lives are not immune to suffering. 

For as long as I can recall, I have imagined my future as a mother.  At the age of 22 I met the love of my life and at the age of 24 he became my husband.  Five years later, 22 long months ago, we decided to start a family...and today we are still a family of only two. Uh, oh...I said it...and publicly too...we are struggling with infertility.  When we decided to start a family I never imagined that 22 months later we would still be waiting...and hoping...and disappointed.  The first few months were difficult, but each new month would start with hope.  Then we started to near the dreaded one-year mark...the line that moves a woman from "fertile" to "infertile" in the eyes of the medical community. 

Even more difficult than the struggle itself is the silence.  There are very few people who talk about the hurt that they are experiencing.  At first we are silent because we want to surprise our families...then we are silent because we are afraid...embarrassed...losing hope...and above all else do not want to hear, "it will happen eventually."  Every day of every month ticks by slowly.  Friend after friend announces their pregnancy, mails out invites for baby showers, and then posts birth announcements...and still we are waiting.  Friends and total strangers ask, "when are you going to start a family? I respond with, "soon, we hope" while wanting to scream..."NEVER with the way things are going." The silence continues, and we feel alone. 

But, we are not alone.  There are so many people who are struggling with the same thing...waiting...hoping...crying...trying to hold on to the future that they imagined for their lives so long ago.  They are not alone...and I refuse to move forward and allow the silence to penetrate and remove all hope...because there is hope. 

I can only see part of the picture that God has painted.  I was created for a purpose...a purpose that is eternally more important than the temporary suffering in my life.  One day I may be a mom...or I might not, but for everyone who is struggling with experience seemingly replacing the dreams of their innocence...we do not need to be silent and we should never give up hope.

Last summer my sister traveled to Sudan on a medical missions trip and she will be returning later this summer.  Part of her ministry was and will be to work with orphans.  There are so many children around the world who need a loving home and are waiting...hoping...praying that God will send them a family.  So, I am waiting on the God who is bigger than my fears...anger...lack of trust...to guide us and show us what experiences await our lives.  Perhaps, His plan is bigger than the plans that I have for myself and my son or daughter is waiting in a another country.  However, as I wait I will not be silent because I need my burdens to be carried by others...and others need for me to carry theirs.  We are not alone...we are NEVER alone.